Boston: The Dare

27 May

We’re members of the 21st Century, right ladies? We aren’t waiting for Tatte to bring back the butcher, tailor or chazzen home for dinner or waiting to see who will offer the most cows for our hands in marriage. In today’s day and age, a girl can cannot only choose who to marry, but who to date. I don[t know about you, but I find In-Town dating to be a tad competitive. The old-fashioned being-set-up-by-a-family-friend-and-seeing-where-it-goes just doesn’t cut it anymore. He’s got to have your resume, high school transcript and five-year plan on the table before he even looks at your picture. And let’s say he does get around to verifying your six points of ID, he has plenty more to look through.

Even the “informal” way of getting a date has its hoops. You want to go out with Shimmy, so, you ask your friend what his story is.

“He’s single,” she informs you, “but he’s supposed to go out with Yentel first. You’ll have to wait.”

Never mind that Shimmy considered her five months ago and never did anything about it, nor does Yentel have any interest in going out with him. The word on the street is, he’s going to ask out Yentel, and she hasn’t had a date in six weeks so don’t mess.

Now, if you’re a stubborn gal like me, you’ll just find another way to see if Shimmy is interested in going out with you. But let’s be realistic here…though we are women of the 21st Century and we’re more educated and worldly than our matriarchs before us, why are we chasing after the men? It’s supposed to be the other way around. We are supposed to be the pursued, not the pursuers. Ever read The Glass Menagerie?  They’re called “gentleman callers” because they are supposed to do the calling.

Well what can ya do, we live in the times that we live in. But if you do dream of being treated like a lady, if you are interested in getting a taste of the Amanda Wingfield courtship, there is a place to go.

Out of Town.

It’s really not as ridiculous as it sounds. Gather up a friend or two, decide on a place to go, ask the community rabbi to set you up with hosts and meals if you cannot find on your own and let them know why you’re coming. I know you’re crying inside as I say this. I know you’re thinking, “my gosh this girl is BONKERS!” That’s okay, I get that sometimes, and I also get that finding the RD requires stepping outside of one’s comfort zone. There are plenty of G-d fearing, Torah dedicated, genuine young men outside of the NY area. For whatever reason, they decided that their city, be it Boston, Detroit, Baltimore or beyond, is the best place for them to be. Some stayed for sumptuous scholarships, specific academic programs or growing businesses. Others just don’t like the NY lifestyle. It’s not worth parking having to park 20 blocks away from their $800/month room in the Heights. No matter why they chose to stay put, they want to get married just as much as In-Towners do. They just don’t have the same pool to fish in.

And that’s where we come in. All it takes is one visit; one trip to show that we each want to meet a great guy. We’re willing to meet people who don’t live where we do; we’re willing to make the extra effort to meet them. Maybe you’re not. Maybe you’d rather go through all the boys in the Five Boroughs before stepping foot onto unknown territory. Could be. But for those of you who are ready to put yourself in a world where women are courted, go out with an OOTer. I dare you.

I don’t know how it works it other cities but I do know how it works in Boston. E-mail the Young Israel of Brookline. Tell them who you are and who’s coming with you. Tell them why you want to come. And while you’re at it, fill out one of the rebbetzin’s Shidduch Connection forms. Hey, you never know 🙂

3 Responses to “Boston: The Dare”

  1. inkstainedhands May 27, 2011 at 4:43 pm #

    Or another alternative is to just go to YU. ;]

    • Coral Cap May 30, 2011 at 3:06 pm #

      Some Bostonians (and other OOTers, I’mm assuming) do that and don’t enjoy it, others take the best of both worlds. Take the Rav for example: he taught at YU but always went home…to Boston.

  2. Princess Lea July 20, 2011 at 10:08 am #

    I just read this post now, but I’m curious – by going OT, aren’t I, as a female, being a pursuer, which is what I DON’T want to be? Shouldn’t OT guys come to NY and chase ME? 🙂

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