A New Kind of Profile

31 Mar

World, meet Chas. This 40-year old creative ad exec from San Fransisco is looking for a leading lady, and if you so happen to introduce him to her, he’ll give you 10 K.

His site’s stark yet storybook-esque layout got me thinking…what would my personal “Hook Coral Up” website look like? What facts about myself would I include? This is what I’ve thought of so far:


As you can tell from my portrait, I’m a smiley, positive girl who has the high school senior photo pose down cold. But there is a lot more to me than my charming girl-next-door appeal.

For me, fun doesn’t involve a lot of money. I like to enjoy the simpler things in life, like finding artful representations of the universe in ceiling tiles and blowing bubbles.

My culinary repertoire is modest yet playful to the palate. I make everything from fluffy french toast to various forms of pasta. “Just add salt” is my secret to success.

Libraries are my personal black holes. Once I’m in,  I’m sucked in…but in a good way. Reading by myself is fun, but reading aloud with someone else (especially Shakespeare) is funner. I really get a kick out of filling up my head with heaps of random knowledge…

…which is why I’m so good at Disney Trivial Pursuit. You up to the challenge?

But I’m not all fun and games. I take Torah, mitzvot and halacha very seriously. My deeply sincere emunah and bitachon can easily be observed while I am steeped in prayer.

Watching football is fun!  Since I was unable to find a photo of a young woman positively engaged in a football game, this picture will just have to do.

Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is very important to me. However, there is no denying that donuts make the world just a littler bit brighter. That’s what I believe, anyway.


Alrighty. I was born in an Eastern-American city and have lived in a few more since. I attended a Jewish all-girls high school in the Tri-State area and then continued to an all-women seminary in Jerusalem. I now go to college. Am I being slightly vague? Hmmm.  Maybe if you look at how cute I was as a baby, you won’t care!


What am I looking for? Good question. Kind, giving, honest, modest and responsible. Someone positive, optimistic about life and on fire about Judaism. A strong appreciation for Dr. Seuss books and the Staten Island Ferry would be amazing but aren’t mandatory.


5 Responses to “A New Kind of Profile”

  1. QED March 31, 2011 at 8:55 pm #

    Did you specifically search Google Images for “stereotypical Jewish woman (wearing hat, eating donut, etc.)”?

    Be a big girl and post more info.

  2. lawschooldrunk March 31, 2011 at 9:39 pm #

    My sister thought Chas looked Uber creepy.

    Oh, your looking for an optimistic about life person? Good luck finding a realist 😉

  3. lawschooldrunk March 31, 2011 at 9:39 pm #

    Is there a way to attach pics to comments?

    • Coral Cap April 1, 2011 at 9:00 am #

      QED- Nah, I looked on a stock image website and took whoever looked the part while still being tzniut. Being that I posted this as a parody, not all of what I said is entirely true, but I do love donuts.

      Lawschooldrunk- I don’t think Chas is uber creepy, just uber desperate. After all those years of life coaching he probably realizes he spent too much time in therapy and not enough time meeting people so…this is the least he can do.

      I’m pretty sure optimist can exist in the form of a realist. I like to think I’m one of those 🙂

      There might be a way to post pics in comments. Try copy and pasting. Other than that I wouldn’t know how.

  4. Bluestocking April 1, 2011 at 9:40 am #

    Are you also offering $10,000?

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