Thinkaholic

2 Mar

Hi, my name is Coral Cap and I am a Thinkaholic.

It started when I was but a small lassie. I was a miracle child both at home and at school because I never said a peep about being bored. I found my head to be a very interesting place, so if I found my body to be in a rather yawnsome reality, I’d just flip my focus from the here-and-now to the here-in-head. This was great as a kid because, as you most probably have realized, all society wants of children these days is quiet. (Most) Teachers didn’t care if I scribbling downs the facts of the Enlightenment or transcript for a book I had hoped to have published by senior year. I was less interested in Pythagorean Theorems and Linear Equations and more intrigued by what exactly I was doing on this earth. To do math problems? Nah. To get a high school diploma so I could get a college degree so I could get a Master’s degree and maybe a PhD for kicks? I couldn’t think that far in advance. All I could think about was the here-and-now. What was I meant to be doing now? How could I make my existence more meaningful now? Was I doing the right thing now? What was right, what was wrong and how was I supposed to know the difference?

As I got older I learned any laudable achievement means doing things I find to be a complete waste of time. So while I find my “Pluralism” course to be a mind-numbing way to start my morning, I go to it anyway because I know I’m not getting my degree without it. I understand certain values I did not “get” a couple of years ago, yet I still remain a Thinkaholic. I am constantly asking myself if I’ve made the “right” decisions and using G-d’s gifts of life and ability properly.

Because of my natural tendency to think, I find prayer to be a rewarding and positive activity. Prayer is a set time to think- about what I have, what I need, what I don’t need, what I want…it’s thinking time between me and G-d.

Thinking has its pros, but one area where it has really hurt me is in the dating field. I have gotten to the point where I can go out, relax and “see where it goes” but even so, there’s always this nagging voice asking me to identify if this is The One. “Something isn’t right,” it will tell me. And I don’t know if that’s because there really is something wrong or if it’s just the same old yetzer hara which has tripped me up in the past; which has persuaded me into a paralysis of pondering rather than action.

So what is a Thinkaholic to do? How do I channel my Nothing Box when all I’ve ever done is think? Feedback from fellow Thinkaholics is encouraged.

Advertisements

5 Responses to “Thinkaholic”

  1. SternGrad March 2, 2011 at 7:52 pm #

    I am a fellow thinkaholic! This is actually somewhat related to what I just posted http://lifeaftersterncollege.blogspot.com/2011/03/mens-brains-vs-womens-brains.html

    I face the same dilema as you, though I would attribute it to a different cause. I often am in the situation you described: “there’s always this nagging voice asking me to identify if this is The One. “Something isn’t right,” it will tell me. And I don’t know if that’s because there really is something wrong or if it’s just the same old yetzer hara which has tripped me up in the past; which has persuaded me into a paralysis of pondering rather than action.”

    I don’t think it is because I think too much, but because I trust my gut to much. When on dates I tend to be too focused on whether this is the right person. Something in my gut at some point tells me “Nope. Not the right one,” before my brain has figured out what specifically is not right.

    I’m never going to be able to turn off my constant thinking, but I can do my best to channel it in the right direction. What I try to do is focus on other questions, such as “What do I like about this person? Do I feel comfortable with this person?” I try to wait until my mind catches up to my gut.

    Different things work for everyone, but I hope that helps.

  2. Bluestocking March 3, 2011 at 1:36 pm #

    Many women classify as thinkaholics, and we do tend to jump ahead rather than in the moment when on a date. As soon as we meet someone – perhaps I should say rather when I meet someone – I’m already picturing him with my parents, with my siblings, with my future children – and judge accordingly. Of course, it’s too precipitous; one shouldn’t see someone they just met in that way, since one barely knows them. While the guys – I actually have no idea what they’re thinking about – are definitely not thinking about their 25th wedding anniversary.

    But that’s how we (and they) are wired. That’s what makes us male and females.

    I don’t think “Something not right.” I know when I’m excited about a guy, and when I’m not. If I’m not, I just feel dead inside.

  3. SiBaW March 3, 2011 at 8:05 pm #

    You’re in good company! My wife and I are thinkers as well. If I had to guess I would posit that most bloggers are thinkers too, but that is just a hunch. I don’t know if there is a cure but I’ll have to think about it. 😛 What I can add to your insightful post is a common “prayer,” as they teach in AA:

    God grant me the serenity
    to accept the things I cannot change;
    courage to change the things I can;
    and wisdom to know the difference.

    • aminspiration1 March 7, 2011 at 4:22 pm #

      Thanks for the vote of confidence SiBW. Being a thinker is a good thing..otherwise we turn into robots. Who wants to be a robot?

  4. Coral Cap March 7, 2011 at 5:46 pm #

    Sterngrad- I’m the same way with my mind and my gut. My gut generally “knows” things long before my mind does but I do stick it out til my mind has caught up because there is always the chance that I mistook my grumbly tummy for a gut reaction.

    Bluestocking- I try not to think that way. I know it’s way too much way too soon think to , “good, if I marry him my kids will have dimples!” But as you said, I’m wired that way. The longer I’ve been dating though, the less I think like that. It’s just too depressing to keep hoping for dimple-faced kids 😛

    SiBaW- The AA quote is a super quote for life.

    I was thinking of mentioning that my Thinkaholic status should be obvious from the fact that I blog, but I didn’t fit it into the post. Good point though. It;s nice to know I’m not a lone thinkaholic and that there are male ones too!

    Aminspiration- Being a thinker is good, but being rational and being a thinker do not always go hand in hand. I am very much a thinker, yet rationality is a trait I am learning gradually. I definitely do not want to be a robot. Robots are boring and tend to write less entertaining blogs.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: