The Coffee Date

10 Jan

There is one of several reasons you find yourself on a first date:

A) You went to a shadchan, they did their job and found you a possible match.

B) You were set up by a thoughtful and loving friend who has his/her eye out for you.

C) You got a random phone call/e-mail from someone you don’t really know, but what they hay, you don’t have anything to do Thursday night anyway.

D) You met someone worth getting to know at a USBG and:

1) Asked them out yourself (generally applicable to males)

2) Had a middle man do the asking

3) Stalked them for an indefinite of amount time, trying to find some way of “bumping” into them, having friends casually drop your name in their presence and overall making sure they are aware are aware of your existence until they agreed to a date (generally applicable to females).

Whichever route fate has brought you to, now you are faced with the momentous occasion of a first date, and the question is…what should you do?

If I were you, I’d start with The Coffee Date.

Take it from a girl who’s been to Starbucks for just about every one of her first dates: it’s very hard to go wrong with coffee. The point of a first date is to make sure you don’t find each other hideous to look at and that some semblance of a conversation can be made. If either of those two components are missing, it doesn’t matter how fancy the restaurant is or how fun it is to paint pottery – there aint gonna be a round two.

Things to Keep in Mind if You are a Guy:

1) Girls do not like eating in front of people they do not know.  The truth is, if she is more interested in getting to know you rather than getting a free meal, she’s not going to want to worry about getting chicken Caesar salad stuck between her teeth. Sometimes it is not a matter of not liking to eat in front of people but more of the graceful skill necessary of conversing and eating (like a human being) simultaneously. Restaurants are nice, but so are cafes, so stick to that which can be sipped and have a good time.

2) Keep away from the Woo. Think you’re going to impress her by bringing along your guitar or showing her your mad Dance Dance Revolution skills? You won’t. Trust me. Unless she has verbally expressed a desire for you to strum your original ballads in public or to see just how smooth you move to “Rock You Like a Hurricane” DON’T DO IT. I know your music makes you who you are and that if you don’t showcase that part of yourself she won’t understand your essence, but I assure you, if the first date goes well and you start building a relationship, she will be more than thrilled to see what you’ve got, but until then, leave your skill at home.You think this is given knowledge? I did too until…well, let’s not go there.

3) There’s no need to spend a ton of money on a girl you’ve just met. I think most guys get that, but for those who think it’s more “gentlemanly” to take her to the yuppiest, fanciest place in town, just know that a girl with normal expectations might be thrown off by your grand gesture. It’s very nice of you to offer her the choice of being picked up in a Mercedes or a Cadillac, but no one likes a show off. Instead of giving the Prince Charming impression, you just might be giving the Daddy Warbucks one, so watch it.

Things to Keep in Mind if You are a Girl:

1) Dating is expensive. Not only does he have to pay for your food/beverage, he has to pay for transportation and if you are doing some sort of activity, unless that activity is riding the Staten Island ferry, he has to pay for that too. And helloooo, no worrying about stuff getting stuck between your teeth or your skirt getting caught in a bicycle chain or prematurely admitting your fear of heights…on the second floor of the Barbie section in Times Square. A simple date is a good date; it leaves less room for Murphy’s Law to come into fruition.

Things For Everyone to Keep in Mind:

Dating should be a fun and relaxed experience. When you get to the core of this dating phase of life, you realize that there is so little we have control over. Yeah, technically we are in charge of our actions and our speech and our attitude, but really, when you’ve been on enough dates to know that the best of dates don’t usually end in engagement, it’s very hard to deny that G-d has a plan and that despite how pleasantly perfect or ferociously flawed you are, He’ll bring you to the proper person at the proper time. The point of the first few dates is to see if there is chemistry. Do you like talking to this person? Do they like talking to you? Are you bored out of your mind, can’t wait for the next date or somewhere in between? Don’t get your tzittzis in a bunch over what to do and don’t become a mope of he just wants to sit and talk over a cup of Joe. Be real, be relaxed and enjoy.

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8 Responses to “The Coffee Date”

  1. SternGrad January 10, 2011 at 11:20 pm #

    Having been on many coffee dates myself, I have to agree with you that “it’s very hard to go wrong with coffee,” however I know plenty of people (guys and girls) who dislike it because it is boring, been there done that too many times, or because they don’t like coffee.

    Personally, I think it’s great for a first date for just the reasons you said- it’s cheap for the guy and a good place to just have a “get to know you” type conversation.

  2. AM Inspiration January 11, 2011 at 3:56 pm #

    I definitely think that the coffee date is way better than the hotel lobby. I’d rather a yum Starbucks drink to a diet coke any day!

    • Coral Cap January 12, 2011 at 12:25 pm #

      Sterngrad- I can understand how people find it boring,but I’m not sure if an active date is the solution. I myself am not a coffee drinker, but all I really want when I’m going on a date is a place to sit and schmooze, but hey, to each their own.

      AM Inspiration- Ooooh you just wait ’til I tackle the hotel lobby date! Though I believe it is less relaxed than a coffee date, there are some fun things you can do on a hotel lobby date that can’t be done at Starbucks.

      • EJB January 12, 2011 at 3:20 pm #

        Like touching the cascading waterfalls on the glass panels in the NYC Marriot Marquis!

  3. Coral Cap January 12, 2011 at 10:48 pm #

    EJG, that’s one of my all-time favorites!! How’d you know?

    • EJB January 12, 2011 at 11:23 pm #

      Above running up their down escalators?

      • Coral Cap January 12, 2011 at 11:34 pm #

        Hmmm now you’re making this really hard. I would say hotel lobby dates are a drag if not for the Marquis. Sigh…and to think I figured that out at 18 years old. I should’ve started this blog years ago.

  4. SoG January 26, 2011 at 2:37 am #

    A few people coincidentally bought me gift cards to Starbucks right when I started saying, which proved to be really handy.

    Plus, if you don’t like coffee, you can get a Naked Juice, which is what I usually did nack in the day.

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