Serendipi-sea

16 Nov

Your cousin meets the perfect guy for you while in Israel over Pesach. He has the right hashkafa, kipa and sense of humor to have you walking to the chuppah in no time.

“Wow that’s really nice. Thank you for thinking of me.”

“Oh my pleasure, I cannot wait to see this through! I kept getting into conversation with him in the tea room and every time we spoke I thought ‘this is the guy for Linda!’  I gave him my contact information to let me know if he’s interested so I’ll keep you posted…”

One week passes. Two weeks pass. Then three. No call from Mr. Perfect.

That’s alright, everyone knows most guys don’t have the guts to say, “thank you but I’m not interested.” No one likes to be the barer of bad news and the chances of him ever seeing this random girl from Pesach  or you are slim to none. Silence says it all, so really, why take the chance of being perceived as a jerk?

Because of serendipity my friend, that’s why. Because G-d likes to show us in His unique way that He is completely in control and that if it is bashert for you to give an answer (whether it be ‘yes’ or ‘no’) He’s going to make it happen no matter what direction you run in.

I know this because I was that girl; the one who was suggested to Mr. Perfect. Not only did G-d make him meet me but He had the would-be shadchan at my side at the same time. He had no choice but to talk to me and acknowledge my existence, though he tried very hard to get out of it. I’m not quite sure what the big deal was- it’s not like I suddenly expected him to ask me out. I mean I know this would have made an epic episode of the Twilight Zone: Shidduch Edition, but there’s no reason toassume we are destined to marry. That’s it: it’s me or eternal bachelorhood.

No.

All the little details that made this seemingly impossible meeting possible came into fruition, not because any person plotted its occurrence, but because G-d did. I understand young Padawan, that bumping into the girl you turned down, especially when her loving cousin is in range, is awkward. But there is no reason to run away from her like a frightened puppy dog. I didn’t ask for this as you did not, so if we’re going to be real about this happenstance you and I are in the same boat. It’s really not a big deal. Really.

After this most intensely dramatic introduction, I couldn’t help but wonder why.  How is it that I keep finding myself  in these social-experiment type of situations? Is Ashton Kutcher in the wings? Will  someone just tell me I’m on Candid Camera already? Truth be told I find such occurrences rather entertaining and intriguing  muses for my blog, but there must be a more valuable reason for creating the living adaptation of Coral in Shidduchland.

And there is.

Those of us in Shidduchland tend to get kvetchy from time-to-time. Why is it so hard to find the right person? Why is this process taking so long? Why can’t You just make it obvious to me, Hashem? We begin to wonder what it will take for Hashem to bring us the RD. Maybe it isn’t so simple. Chazal have compared such ventures as difficult as splitting the sea.

But the splitting of the sea isn’t the tough part. In a milisecond G-d can construct an impeccably, flawless plan to bring us to our zivugim without a moment’s delay. He can give us more than one route to find them, and if we miss the first route, He can easily calculate a second one. And a third. And a fourth if need be. The hard part about shidduchim is not being introduced to the right person, it’s being ready to choose the right person. Though Mr. Perfect and I did not hit it off, the scenario made it perfectly clear to me that the fruition of a  shidduch has less to do with what is going on Upstairs and more to do with the choices we make. When I look back at my life thus far, I can see G-d’s particularity in just about every serendipitous meeting I have had. If shidduchim relied solely on serendipity then finding a marriage partner would be easy as kugel. There would be no bechira (free will) involved. If we only experienced serendipity with one person, there would be no other option; no way of knowing if this relationship is something we are open and eager to work on. Hashem wants us to be like Nachshon ben Aminadav. He wants us to actively come forth and say, “this is what I want. This is what I believe is best.” Sometimes the sea splits,  most of the time it does not. It’s hard to step into the sea. It’s hard to believe that this time the sea will split. But we have to try. We have to be aware of where the true difficulty lies. Our shidduchim are not waiting for us in heaven, they are here with us on Earth. We’ve gotta go find them. We have to be ready to give all our heart, all our soul, every resource  and step into the waters.

We have to be ready to choose.

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3 Responses to “Serendipi-sea”

  1. SternGrad November 16, 2010 at 9:00 pm #

    Quite a thought-provoking post! There have been countless times when people have said, “Oh, I have a guy for you…” only never to be heard from again, but I never thought about it quite this way, and I never met any of those guys afterwards. G-d works in very interesting ways.

  2. Shades of Grey November 17, 2010 at 6:08 pm #

    Thought provoking indeed. I got lost a little bit toward the end and almost thought this was an engagement announcement, but then I re-read the beginning.

    At any rate, my own crazy story of meeting and going out with ASoG is a perfect example of such an incidence of Yad HaShem being very manifest. I can email you the story if you’d like, since I have told quite a few people and would prefer not to have SoG associated with it, thus giving away my anonymity.

    • coralcap November 22, 2010 at 7:05 pm #

      Sterngrad – Isn’t it crazy? You think these kind of stories are only supposed to happen when it’s “The One” but apparently in my life it happens more frequently. I laugh with amazement by how good G-d is. You gotta have a sense of humor about these things, right?

      S0G – Lol b’shaa tova when I have reason to post an engagement post I’ll make sure to make that detail clear.

      I’d love to read your story, please do e-mail it! I always appreciate an incidence of Yad Hashem. Thanks for your offer. And sorry about the delay to your post. For some strange reason it ended up in my spam box. 😦

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