Questions…

1 Sep

Note: Though the guest poster who wrote the following post requested to remain anonymous, I would like to consecrate this post as my very first one written by a guest poster! Yay! So exiciting!

Anyhow, the reason I decided this post is important to share is because I believe it asks a lot of questions many of us have at this time of year. As the current years comes to a close and the new year steadily approaches the horizon, we have to wonder– who were we this past year? Did we try our hardest? The questions are tough to ask– like looking into a magnified mirror and seeing all the imperfections we’d rather forget. But we look anyway. We face them anyway. Asking questions…it’s the first step to teshuvah. It’s the first step to seeing that you are indeed the real deal.

Why do we fear change? Why is it so hard to gamble with what we know is good?
Who don’t we take the leap of faith?
What if  what I think is great really great but not as great something greater!
Why do we cling to the past?

Do I hold on to something that cannot be forever?
Do we really want what we say want?
Do I really have any blessed clue what it is that I want?
Do I live my life according to a script handed to me by someone else?
Do I really believe that God is the ultimate director planning my life in a way that is specifically designed for me?
If yes then why is it that I’m so stressed?

Why is it so much easier to solve everyone else’s problems
Do I really want my best friends to get engaged?
Is it that obvious that I don’t?
Does that make me a bad friend – am I really that selfish?

I say these things are important- am I fooling myself?
Do I give myself more credit than I’m due?
Do I have to give into the fact that the shallow physical part of me really is in more in control of me?
How does that play out in my life?

Do I need to stop being so self-righteous and come down to earth?
Do I deserve the guy I want?
Is he good enough for me?
How haughty am I?

Am I missing something really really obvious?
I can’t stand how superficial I am- why am I only realizing this now?
Am I so foolish to let something this good slip btwn my fingers?
Am I gonna regret this in 5 yrs?

Why is it that the questions all come once?
Why do they come when i can’t think-when i can’t be bothered?
why wont they all just leave me alone?
Why cant someone else give me the answer for once?
Why is there no equation to give me the answer to all my problems?
Why do i keep typing when i should be thinking?

Will someone please just tell me?

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One Response to “Questions…”

  1. Bluestocking September 1, 2010 at 3:01 pm #

    There are so many “What if”s in life. I’m wondering, when not so long ago, when people’s lives were harder – they didn’t have the time to consider all these questions. Now, we are plagued by insecurities, and lack of faith and respect in ourselves, while our emunah is not where it should be.

    Right now, I’m at a point that the things out of my control I leave to God.

    Then there’s all the stuff I can and should take care of.

    Motivations and inner thoughts – thankfully, not on the table in terms of aveiros. If one isn’t ecstatic that their friends are marring and moving on, it’s not surprising. But if you pretend you are, then you’re good.

    In terms of “wants” vs. “needs” – I try to be careful in what I ask for – just keeping it in terms of what is best for me, which is what Hashem is going to give me anyway.

    But that line – “Why is it so much easier to solve everyone else’s problems?” – so true. How quickly we can sum up another persons missteps, yet insist we ourselves are complicated, but justified.

    A change of perspective is needed, and a need to place ourselves in another’s shoes and truly experience empathy.

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