Archive | September, 2010

Get Ready…Get Set…

22 Sep

Alrighty folks, the famed “after Succos” crop of daters will be entering the parsha soon, and you know what that means…more possibilities! Yeah, I’m talking to all those Untouchables out there who’ve been keeping many patient, aidel young ladies waiting. It’s time to come out from under whatever rocks your hiding under andstart doing (not just talking) tachlis.

Happy Holiday of the Huts to all!!

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What To Do When Your Friend Gets Engaged to Someone You Went Out With

15 Sep

Proven Falsehoods:

1) The earth is flat.

2) The continent Columbus stumbled upon is India.

3) Liver is good for you.

5) Your friends won’t go out with and/or get engaged to people you went out with.

6) You won’t go out with/get engaged to someone a friend (or friends) went out with.

Sure, you know in your head that this is a small world and the likeliness of dating the same people as your friends is quite high, but the fact doesn’t quite hit until the news has been dispatched, the phone calls have been made and the pictures of the proposal have been magniloquently plastered across the internet. That’s when the matter of going to the L’Chaim becomes less about “do I really have to change,” and more about “how awkward would it be for me to go.”

Let us examine The Four Categories of Awkwardness:

Normal: You went out with the person once, maybe twice. Nothing went wrong, nothing went right– it just wasn’t a good match, so, you cut your losses (all that wasted make up for you and all that extra Ohel money from last shabbos for him) and move on. It just so happens, he moved on to your friend,  they hit it off, the mirthful cadence of Married Life started diddling in their heads and…bada bing bada boom, they want to spend the rest of their lives together. The level of awkwardness lies within your imagination. Honestly, once you get to the L’Chaim and realize he can barely remember your name, you’ll feel a lot better…in a strange yet refreshing way.

Prehypertension: You went out with him a couple of times and there was actually some potential there. But somewhere between the point of acquaintanceship and serious relationship, the shidduch went kaput.  Maybe it was due to the fact that he took you to Kosher Castle for the third date or that you let your eyebrows grow out to the length of a caveman’s to test him, but either way the courtship came to a screeching halt. It was SO over. Now you can be a little nervous. You were never going to marry the guy but still, you didn’t end on good terms. Now you’re supposed to go to his L’Chaim? That’s just a little uncomfortable. Well, all I can say to you is that you gotta suck up your pride, suit up, and give your friend a huge Mazal Tov hug when you get there. She is your friend after all. You have been looking forward to the day you could celebrate the omega of her single life and the alpha of couple-hood. Just think, will this matter to you in five years? Will this matter in a year? Most likely not, so go ahead, be there for your friend, wish them both a mazal tov and enjoy the free food.

Stage 1 Hypertension: You went out with this guy seriously. Maybe you even thought he was the one…but he wasn’t. That’s gotta hurt a bit. Why your friend went out with him in the first place is somewhat questionable, but the Truth of All Truths is, Hashem is mezaveg zivugim, and if He predestined your friend and Mr. Wrong-For-You for each other, then that is what was, is and will always be bashert. I’m not going to lie, it takes someone with seriously sterling middot to attend such a L’Chaim with true ahava and simcha. Maybe that’s the test. Maybe Hashem wants you to look deep within yourself and discover the true Avahat Yisrael you have; to overcome hurt and anger and truly be b’simcha. It’s undoubtedly difficult, but possible. Use your judgment. If you are going to be happy and add to your friend’s simcha, then go. But if you think that you will not be in the proper spirit during this occasion, don’t feel obligated to be there. It takes time to digest such news and construct a healthy, grounded mindset, so don’t beat yourself up if you just don’t feel like going.

Stage 2 Hypertension: You were engaged to him. Now, this has got to be a lot worse than awkward. Generally if your friend was serious with your ex-fiance, she would hopefully let you know way before the engagement. Clearly, it is not my place to tell you what to do. I really don’t have an answer. Maybe you need new friends? Does this even happen in real life?

Fear not Shidduch Searchers, these things happen, and just as it was proven that the world is indeed round, that America is in fact America and that eating liver every day is an angioplasty waiting to happen, so too it will be proven that your shidduch came at just the right time and just the right place.


1 Sep

Note: Though the guest poster who wrote the following post requested to remain anonymous, I would like to consecrate this post as my very first one written by a guest poster! Yay! So exiciting!

Anyhow, the reason I decided this post is important to share is because I believe it asks a lot of questions many of us have at this time of year. As the current years comes to a close and the new year steadily approaches the horizon, we have to wonder– who were we this past year? Did we try our hardest? The questions are tough to ask– like looking into a magnified mirror and seeing all the imperfections we’d rather forget. But we look anyway. We face them anyway. Asking questions…it’s the first step to teshuvah. It’s the first step to seeing that you are indeed the real deal.

Why do we fear change? Why is it so hard to gamble with what we know is good?
Who don’t we take the leap of faith?
What if  what I think is great really great but not as great something greater!
Why do we cling to the past?

Do I hold on to something that cannot be forever?
Do we really want what we say want?
Do I really have any blessed clue what it is that I want?
Do I live my life according to a script handed to me by someone else?
Do I really believe that God is the ultimate director planning my life in a way that is specifically designed for me?
If yes then why is it that I’m so stressed?

Why is it so much easier to solve everyone else’s problems
Do I really want my best friends to get engaged?
Is it that obvious that I don’t?
Does that make me a bad friend – am I really that selfish?

I say these things are important- am I fooling myself?
Do I give myself more credit than I’m due?
Do I have to give into the fact that the shallow physical part of me really is in more in control of me?
How does that play out in my life?

Do I need to stop being so self-righteous and come down to earth?
Do I deserve the guy I want?
Is he good enough for me?
How haughty am I?

Am I missing something really really obvious?
I can’t stand how superficial I am- why am I only realizing this now?
Am I so foolish to let something this good slip btwn my fingers?
Am I gonna regret this in 5 yrs?

Why is it that the questions all come once?
Why do they come when i can’t think-when i can’t be bothered?
why wont they all just leave me alone?
Why cant someone else give me the answer for once?
Why is there no equation to give me the answer to all my problems?
Why do i keep typing when i should be thinking?

Will someone please just tell me?