Back on Track

7 Apr

Though it seems like a good bunch of you have still been hot on the Tachlis Trail, I decided that Pesach was the perfect time to take a break. True, everyone is under different circumstances, but to keep it vague, I’ve been busy enough in the past few months to need serious R&R. Baruch Hashem. Being busy is a good thing (at least it keeps me from wondering if I should start cat shopping), but there are times when doing my hishtadlus means taking a break.

An irrelevant yet thought provoking side-note: West Coasters can be so laid back. Having spent the majority of the chag in one of Western America’s most beautiful cities, I can now state that  I really don’t understand why we cram ourselves into Brooklyn. Can’t we all move west  and let our children play ball in wide, open space?  Well, if we’re all going to up and move then we should be going to Eretz Yisrael, so I guess I’ll stick to Oregon Trail for my Western fix.

Back to our scheduled programming…it’s Tachlis Time. Maybe it’s just me, but having the frame of Sfirat HaOmer mobilizes me. Here we have 49 days laid out for us in order to get our minds in shape for Shavuot. Each day is an opportunity to build upon what we achieved (spiritually and mentally) the day before; each one is richly laden with possibility. Every morning that G-d wakes us up, He is giving us another chance to move that much closer to our goal. The Omer is a disciplinary tool. It teaches us that big change, good change takes time. It takes day-by-day effort, one foot in front of the other. Some days are better than others, but whether it was a smooth sailing day or a bummerish one, we take the lessons of that day, and move forward. We don’t count down, we count up. We focus our energies into what we can be, not what we were.

So my fellow shidduch daters, take it all in. For those of you who have been going without break, kol hakavod. Keep going full-steam ahead, and im Yirtze Hashem, soon enough you’ll be stopping for good. And for those of us who took a break, it’s time to get back in the game. So he dumped you/you dumped him/the relationship died before both your eyes like an airborne goldfish. It stinks. I know. Hopefully you’ve learned a thing or two about yourself. But it’s time to get back on track. Don’t strain your neck by looking over your shoulder. Look up. Count up. Count the opportunities coming your way– shidduch and non-shidduch related. After all, you don’t know where your shidduch will come from. It could come from the manager of that Ohel job you just took up or maggid shiur of the 6 AM Gemara class you decided to attend. Maybe your zivug is studying his/her brains out in the YU library and you’d never know it because you’re both too busy studying. I just made those ones up on the spot. I don’t know how feasible they are but hey, I’m not in control. G-d is, and He’s brought zivugim together from so far out into left-field, most people have to do a 180 to even realize that corner of the field exists. The possibilities are endless, but you have to be open to them (and as I write this, I am directing it toward myself as well). To find The Real Deal you have to be The Real Deal. And that we will expound upon on another day.


6 Responses to “Back on Track”

  1. Bored Jewish Guy April 8, 2010 at 2:46 am #

    I’ve actually been on an extended R&R from dating, b/c I’m too busy (in the non-dating way), plus I’m in need of a new investigative/research team. Anyway, I’m jealous of your spending yom tov on the west coast, I’ve been planning to go to California for months, but again, too busy. I need to find a way to combine the two 🙂

  2. coralcap April 8, 2010 at 5:44 pm #

    Being too busy is so not R&R. Like it or not, dating is a second-full time job. On the bright side, we’re all in it together.

    Out of sheer curiosity, what requirements must a person have to be a reliable investigator/researcher?

    I didn’t go that far west, I stuck to the mountains, but iy”H I’ll make it to the coast some day.A business trip to California sounds like a good idea to me. Go for it!

  3. Shades of Grey April 9, 2010 at 1:39 am #

    I love the upbeat mood of this post! I have a good friend of mine (he was a shana bet chevrusa of mine when I was shana aleph in Israel) who serves along with his wife as my research people. They’re very thorough, and know me very well to be able to ascertain how good a match might be.

    And regarding dating being a second full-time job: a friend of mine told me (while I was in shana bet and he came back to visit) that at YU there are three things going on 1) learning 2) secular studies 3) dating – and you only have time for two out of three. I didn’t believe him at the time, but now that I’ve been dating for a bit, he was quite correct.

  4. Bored Jewish Guy April 9, 2010 at 2:09 am #

    Coralcap: True, the problem is that I currently have two full time jobs (not including dating) and as SoG said there’s only time for two out of three. Actually the way I date, with all the travel, I can’t really do either of my jobs while dating 😦

    The only requirement I have for investigator/researcher, is that they know me well enough to understand what I’m looking for and they can never say “the skinny girls are going to get fat when they have kids” or anything of that nature. Also they have to be willing to accept the job for limited pay (or none) 🙂

    When you say “business trip” do you mean dating or work? Either way, I’m working on it 😉

  5. coralcap April 11, 2010 at 12:14 am #

    SoG: I try to keep a balance between positivity/humor and serious (sometimes slightly melodramatic) content in my posts. As cathartic as it is to pen a good does of drama (“A Letter to Romance”), positive posts leave me in a better mood.
    There are only three things going on in YU. Obviously I don’t go there but on the occasions that I have(and from what I hear from speaking to YU students), it seems that dating is chosen as one of the two priorities. I do know of guys who didn’t start dating until the end of senior year, which probably takes a good deal of comfort in one’s own skin and being goal oriented, b/c a lot of people put much of their time and energy into socializing.

    BJG: When I said “business trip” I meant the business kind, but going out west to take care of shidduch business is a totally legit and practical kind of business trip. I know some really great girls in LA. Not everyone moves to NY for school (surprisingly enough. Or maybe it’s just surprising for me b/c I’m from the area).

    Some skinny girls might get fat once they have kids, but it’s one of those things people just shouldn’t talk about. I hope you haven’t gotten that line too much. Skinny is also relative. What you might think of as skinny could be average when going by size scale, which (I hope) most men are unfamiliar with and many women (unfortunately) obsess over.

    Your investigators make you pay them? I thought you only pay them if you get engaged to the girl they set you up with.

  6. Bored Jewish Guy April 11, 2010 at 2:41 am #

    Well if I can find a great, skinny girl in LA, that would be ideal 🙂
    My mother loves to give me the line about skinny girls getting fat after they have kids, to which I reply “if they’re fat now, imagine how fat they’ll be after they have kids”, it’s a never ending argument. True, skinny is relative, but one thing is for sure it’s not fat. Average on the other hand, is often used deceptively, IMO. I would be fine with a girl who was actually average.

    No one makes me pay them and so far I haven’t payed anyone, but it’s true what they say “you get what you pay for”. If I’m going to have my sister do my investigating for me, I can’t get mad at her for being too busy to get it done. If I were paying her on the other hand, I wouldn’t feel so bad hounding her. I haven’t offered to pay her yet, I think she might get insulted.

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