A Good Date

3 Mar

Frum N’ Flipping wrote a post on what makes a good date good, and I thought I’d give my spin on it.

You know what? It’s true. It is much easier (and cathartic) to complain. I have a bet for you. I bet that there are at least three times as many sad love songs in the world than happy ones. Pain cajoles us into expression. Disappointment launches a thousand blog posts. You’re never going to find a happy guy sitting at the bar piano.

And that’s why it’s important to write about the good times, because if we just sit back and do nothing about this, there will be more sad people than bar pianos…and then where will they go?

Alas, a good date:

I’ve experienced quite a few shvach dates and a couple of nerve-wracking ones, but a good date, that is rare. It could be because I haven’t met my RD yet, and really, I think it’s more depressing to have a really great date and have it not work out than to have a bad date and be done with it. But yes, I have experienced this good date you mention.  I think what made it so good is that all the right things added up. Location didn’t matter so much. Really. Even searching through a garbage can for misplaced keys can be fun if in the right company.

On a good date, it’s all about you and him. The rest of the world and what it thinks isn’t so important. As FnF said, you can just be yourself. It’s okay if  you like reading more than watching TV and it’s okay if he still secretly wishes he was a Power Ranger. It’s okay that you prefer Jammin’ Oldies and it’s okay that he prefers Sega Genesis over all the new game consoles, because there’s a sense of mutual appreciation for one another. Despite the quirks, there are forces tangibly at work– the beginnings of respect and trust.

You see, when you’re sitting across from this person and wondering how you ever got so “lucky” to have met them, it generally has little to do with (the world’s most overused, hopelessly misunderstood word) love. You enjoy their company. You respect who they are and what they’ve done with their life. You’re beginning to believe that maybe, just maybe there is a person who won’t grimace at your flaws. Maybe this is someone you can trust with your faults, shortcomings and insecurities.

As the clock steadily ticks on and the day grows old, you begin to realize just how precious life is. G-d created a confusing world with war, hunger,  and disease. He created a world where ugliness is sludged at each of its four corners. But in that same world, He infused the ability to experience true joy; a joy beyond words. Most of the time we’re so focused on the mediocrity of this world that we don’t even notice the depth of its beauty. But when you meet someone who you can talk with, laugh with and enjoy silence with, it’s very hard to ignore that G-d is  good.

But if I had to sum it up in one sentence it would be this: A good date is when you realize rejection isn’t the worst thing in the world; missing out on  a great opportunity is.

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3 Responses to “A Good Date”

  1. Princess Lea March 4, 2010 at 5:12 pm #

    That’s deep.

    I feel that way when I had two supremely wonderful dates (for me) with different guys who said no. I’ve just been reassured, I tell myself, that my ideal guy does exist, that I’m not being unrealistic, that he breathes the free air somewhere.

  2. coralcap March 4, 2010 at 10:57 pm #

    It really is the pits when you feel like this could be it and the guys like, nope, not feeling it. However, it’s also annoying when you realize that as in sync you are with this person, they’re lacking fundamentals (i.e responsibility, being a man of his word, etc).

    But yes, having these experiences does give me hope that I don’t have to radically alter what I want in a guy. I believe I’ve even met guys who have I could have a good date with (which could lead to a good life, iyH), but getting a chance with those ones require much effort.

  3. SIS March 15, 2010 at 11:45 am #

    Wow, you’re good coralcap, you’re good. Great post! And I’m with you Princess Lea, I feel the same way about those good dates. Even if that one wasn’t meant to be, at least there’s hope, right?

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