Successful Dating

1 Mar

Welcome to Shidduch World! That should have been the sign my family waved around at the airport when I got back from seminary; not because they’ve been putting any pressure on me (thank G-d they’re very calm about the situation) but in hindsight I see that the world of shadchanim, shidduchim and parshiot is precisely what I came back to.

This isn’t a bad thing. In fact, I’m glad I got into these nebulous waters sooner rather than later. With six months of experience behind me, I have a much better idea of how to date successfully. You may ask, what is meaning of  the term “successful dater?” Isn’t the point of starting to date, to stop dating? My answer to you is, yes. An individual who has decided to take the shidduch route, has decided that they want to get married. However, in order to get married, one must:

1a) Know how to have an (at least) semi-intelligent conversation.

1b) Know what to say and what not to say (no, I don’t want to know about the tumultuous time your roommate is going through with his girlfriend).

2) Look the opposite-gender in the eyes without feeling like they’re in an episode of The Twilight Zone.

3) Shake the idea that the person sitting across from you will be enamored by your wit, good looks and iresistable charm (because like it or not, people generally like to get to know you before they start getting emotionally attached).

4) Master proper eating etiquette.

5)  Master the art of being a menstch/maidel (because missing a date because you decided to sleep through it is just not okay).

Please understand, there are exceptions to the rules. Mindy might not mind having a husband who resembles a gorilla at the dinner table and it might not bother Zalmy that he will have a wife whose entire vocabulary consists of  “The Kosher Palate,” Baruch Hashem, Im Yirtze Hashem and several maamrei chazal her 11th grade Navi teacher made her memorize for a midterm. There is somebody for everybody after all, but understand, dating is not simply a means to finding one’s zivug, it is a means of developing one’s ability to see beyond the surface.

My question to you is, what are your rules for successful dating? There’s something to think about until next time when I dive into the topic of dating styles  (Shidduch: Formal, Shidduch: Informal, Through-a-Friend, Meeting on Your Own: High School, Meeting on Your Own: Post High School).

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6 Responses to “Successful Dating”

  1. Bored Jewish Guy March 2, 2010 at 12:43 am #

    I have two main rules, which have lots of sub-rules:
    1) Always be nice, this one is usually easy for me b/c I think I’m a nice, non-argumentive person. The only time I was tempted to break this was then a girl was texting under the phone on our first (and last) date.
    2) Always have fun and try to make your date have fun. This can be a little harder b/c sometimes you know right away you don’t want to be on a date with the other person, so far I’ve only had two dates that weren’t fun. Knowing if your date is having fun is a bit harder.

    • coralcap March 4, 2010 at 8:47 pm #

      It’s definitely a must to be nice. If I could, I would outlaw mean, obnoxious people from dating, but it’s not that’s probably not so pc.

      Having fun is a very important element of a date. This can be a problem with some girls bc theyre so focused on finding out if you’ll be willing to marry them that they forget a real relationships needs two-way interaction.

  2. SiBW March 3, 2010 at 5:53 am #

    The best rules I can tell you are always try to maintain respect for your date and always try to find something unique about them.

    Re:”1b)” No matter how hard you try, once you reach a certain comfort level, for better or worse that rule starts to slip away.

    “4)” Dunno, I don’t think I have enough skills to attend a royal banquet yet. ;-)I guess I shouldn’t take girls out to eat then, just to be safe.

  3. SiBW March 3, 2010 at 5:55 am #

    The best rules I can tell you are always try to maintain respect for your date and always try to find something unique about them.

    Re:”1b)” No matter how hard you try, once you reach a certain comfort level, for better or worse that rule starts to slip away.

    “4)” Dunno, I don’t think I have enough skills to attend a royal banquet yet. Maybe I shouldn’t take any of my dates out to eat, just to be safe. 🙂

    • coralcap March 4, 2010 at 8:54 pm #

      In regard to 4) Eating etiquette depends on where you’re eating out. If you’re eating at a burger place, it would be a little weird to pull out a fork and knife for a bucket of wings. Lol, I have a brilliant idea! There’s this coffee place called Starbucks. I know, it’s a little avant garde,but someone has to be different. 😉

  4. Princess Lea March 4, 2010 at 5:06 pm #

    YES! Thank you! Everyone is not the same, not everyone requires the same thing from a date! YES! As long as they marry and make it work, who cares! THANK YOU!

    I might be a tad sarcastic here, but it’s annoying how generalities creep constantly into conversation.

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